Like, does it have to something material or tangible? Cause if not, I would cure my mom's alcoholism. I'm pretty sure that would be considered a gift.

"Do you think your moods are controlled by your brain chemistry, or that your brain chemistry dictates your moods?"

Am I the only one who notices the error in that sentence?  

I'm going to my uncle's service today.
I really really, don't want to. I hate funerals. I can hardly deal with my own emotions on a regular basis let alone when someone has died, and I'm in a room full of people sobbing about it.

I'll be satisfied if I don't have a panic attack.  

So, I mentioned in my last journal that my "best friend's" mother died.

Well I haven't heard a word from my friend in about a week, and I was supposed to go to the funeral on Friday which I apparently missed. When she called me to tell me about her mom dying she said she really really wanted me to be there and that if I needed a ride then they could come pick me up. I messaged her on facebook the night before the funeral asking her what was going on and if they were going to pick me up. No answer, Friday goes by, I don't hear a word from her, I call her Friday night and leave a message asking what's going on. I call her Saturday, no answer. I message her on facebook again that night and I still haven't gotten a reply. I called her yesterday, no answer. By now I'm getting pretty fucking worried, since she lives with her sister I figured her sister would answer the phone, NO ONE has answered.
So by yesterday I'm freaking the fuck out and I visit her facebook page only to see that she replied to somebody's wall post on Saturday, the day after the funeral. The person said "You didn't call me" and she proceeded to apologize and say that she had went to bed early and she was busy with getting school things together and she'd call him as soon as possible.

What the fuck?
It'd be one thing if she was ignoring people just cause she needed space because of her mother dying, but to fucking ignore me and apologize to someone else who isn't even a good friend of hers is a little fucked up, I'm almost wondering if she's mad at me or something - I just have no idea what's going on or what I did or what the fuck happened, but you don't tell someone you REALL REALLY want them to be at their mom's funeral and say you'll pick them up then just go without them and totally stop communicating with them making them fucking worry like hell about you.
She's always fucking done this, claimed I was "her best friend" and said I was like a sister to her and that she loved me but then turns around and pulls shit like this. Normally I wouldn't be surprised, but we're talking about her mother's funeral here, it's not just some normal "hanging out" session that she blew me off for. I'm just really really hurt at this point because I'd like to know what I did and why I wasn't fucking welcome right after she'd said she wanted me to be there. 

So, I'm working on getting my GED and before I take my math test I've got to study cause I did really shitty on the pre test. So I've been going down to the learning center lately to get that done and there's been...some distractions.

Today some girl who was studying had her boyfriend come in with their KID and was showing him off to everyone in the SAME. FUCKING. ROOM. We were STUDYING in. And everyone was like "Awww, he's so cute, awww how adorable!" and everyone was crowded into the study room - even the teachers and staff were like fawing over this kid, and I couldn't concentrate. 

Um, hello? This is an area where people take tests and study, bringing in your kid to show him off to everyone is NOT what this place is for. I was just completely dumbfounded that the staff and teachers were not only condoning this but joining in on it. 
Yeah, he's really cute, but I didn't come here to see babies, I came here to work. So GTFO


In other news, I looked at the price on that pinball machine today...

$200. 

JUST TWO HUNDRED. I was expecting five hundred at the lowest. If I had a job, which I need to do, I could save up for that pretty quickly. 


Also, the church across the street has their bells on a RECORDING (fuckin cheap bastards) and it's skipping, so it's all distorted ugly sounding church bells. 

Losers.

Because basically it's going to be two hours of Taylor Lautner shirtless. Dealing with the fact that it's Twilight will be a small price to pay for that. 


He's fucking sexy. I don't care what you say. 

A local antique store on Main Street is selling an old pin ball machine and I really want it. I haven't looked at the price yet, but if it's still there in  a couple months, I might save up for it. I'm not sure what the theme is, because I've only seen it in the window in passing.

How epically awesome would that be if I had a pin ball machine in my room? Especially in my "new" (I put quotes cause I've lived in that house before) house there would be plenty of room for it.

Videos:
Mostly Rooster Teeth shorts.
Joel <3

I like how it's nearly impossible to speak with her. I was talking about how I wanted to bug bomb my brother's room for fleas but I didn't think I should because his computer was in there and I didn't want to damage it. (BIG computer, not really moveable) Anyways, she said I should probably shouldn't do it and we should wait till he goes to school. I agreed. A couple minutes later I said "What if I put a sheet over his computer or something" and she gets all rigid and pissed off and goes "Don't do it right now." and I was like "Why are you getting pissed off, I asked a simple question."
"Just don't do it today!" she said.
"I wasn't GOING to, I was just asking a question! Why are you getting so pissed off?"
"WAIT TILL HE GOES BACK TO SCHOOL!." 

What in the fucking FUCK is WRONG with her? It's like she hears something completely different than what I'm saying, like she's bloody insane or something. How do you communicate with someone like that?

ANGER!

>|

I can't wait to move to my dad's. Yesterday I spent the whole morning helping him clean out the garage, we got this huge ass dumpster (cause the person he was letting live there before trashed it) and filled it almost half full with just a bunch of random junk the guy had accumulated and left there. There was stuff out in the back yard like sinks and washing machines and shit. What a fucking slob. I used to live in that house before and it was pretty nice, now it's a dump. However, my dad is paying me to help clean it up

I like monies.

So in light of my uncle having cancer my father has decided that he's going to move back to Vermont and I can move in with him. I'm a little disappointed I won't get to live in the Islands but I think it's for the best, like I said in a previous journal, families should be together during something like this.

I really think living with my dad will be better, he's more concerned with me making something out of myself and he'll be a much better motivation for me to work hard and get shit done than my mother who doesn't really seem to care if I rot in a ditch for the rest of my life.

Better yet, we're moving into his old house out in the country (for the winter, since he's selling it) and the person who lived in it previously really fucked it up and trashed it, so I'm gonna help him with repairs and junk and he said he'll pay me, so I'll probably be able to afford a new tablet soon :D

Anyways, bit of news I thought I'd share.

For the last couple of nights I've found that I've had trouble writing, of course this was panic inducing because I was afraid I was going through another writer's block which I've kind of got a phobia about since I spent half of this entire year in a state where I could not write jack.

So then I was like...maybe I just don't want to type, so I located a pen and old diary and after tearing out all the emo poems and entries I found I could write! It was like I was puking words through my hand and I had a couple of brilliant ideas for one of my novels. Bloody fantastic it was.

SO IF YOU'VE EVER have trouble writing, try handwriting it before you give up and say you've got writer's block. Or even vice versa if you normally hand write.

I could not possibly, in a million years, pick just one of them. Though for awhile I was partial to Chamber of Secrets and Order of the Phoenix, but I love all of them so much.

The one from Blood Ties, played by Kyle Schmidt. Or you know...maybe just Kyle Schmidt. As well as Lestat from Queen of the Damned played by Stuart Townsend. Or maybe you know, both of them. At the same time.

CNN and MSNBC

Yes. At least I know my German Shepherd did.

Whenever I'm cooking steak I have a strange urge to eat it raw. All bloody and whatnot.

This can't be normal.

How should I know?

And it's steampunk, that is, making shit look all victorian and steam-powered. Tomorrow I'm gonna go out and by some bronze spraypaint and steampunk my old mp3 player, if that comes out nice I might do it to the one i'm using right now, and then over the summer work on doing it to my camera.

Check this shit out:












All images copyright to their respective owners.

I don't even have a Cell phone

Remember back in my scary feature when I talked about a Creepypasta that I had found that was awesome, but it 404'd? Well, a little while back someone posted it again on 4chan for me, and I just remembered to post it here.

( Click her to read for great justice! )